Blessings for a B’Nai Mitzvah

Our speech to Benji and Ella on the occasion of their B’Nai Mitzvah.

It took us a long time to sit down and write a blessing for you. Not for the lack of things to say. As you know, it’s not usual for either of us to be at a loss for words.  But each time we sat down to write, it was almost as if we couldn’t allow ourselves to believe we would be here together on this day, celebrating you both as B’nai mitzvah. As you are painfully aware, the last two years of life has left us with much uncertainty. Both of your lives changed dramatically. As did the world we knew. While it was especially hard to be separated from friends and family, I think you both understood that this time was also a gift. We were able to spend more time as a family. We were able to take our time, knowing that there was no rushing to anywhere. We were already at our destination. 

One of my favorite quotes from poet Mary Oliver says

“Sometimes

I need only to stand 

wherever I am 

to be blessed.” 

This has never been truer than it is today. 

And so, we’d like to offer you both some advice as you continue on your paths of self-creation.

Turn to gratitude. 

Not just in difficult times, but the good times as well.

Look around the room, and feel grateful for those that are here with you. Be grateful for the health of your family and loved ones. Know, that there are people who aren’t here today who are still with you, loving you and supporting you on your journey. They may be joining us virtually. But also know, that you are surrounded by family members you’ve known and many you’ve never met, who are no longer with us. They too have helped you to get to this day. Who will always be a part of who you are. 

Ella, you were given your Hebrew name, Aliza, after your great-grandmother in Israel whose strength and dedication helped build a country. Aliza means joy. Seeing you here today, having worked so hard to join your place among the Jewish people, has brought your Dad and me so much joy. For as long as you have been in this world, you have exuded strength of spirit and character. From your surprise jump into the doctor’s hands at your delivery, to fearless jumps off the diving board at the Maplewood Pool. You are the very definition of brave. Doing things despite feeling afraid. What a wonderful gift that is to have.  

We know that your curiosity, honesty and insightfulness will continue as you grow and make your way in this world. You are a loving soul and we wish you so much for you future, but most of all may you always continue to give and receive joy. 

Benji, you were given your Hebrew name, Eliyahu, after your great-grandfather, a wonderful man whose love surrounded his family. But you are also named after the prophet Eliyahu. According to our tradition, Eliyahu is among us, somewhere and in some special state of existence. It’s fitting for you to be named as such. You have a wonderful gift to connect with those around you. Your gentleness and kindness make others feel better. And because of that, you inspire others to BE better. With spontaneous hugs to your family, pep talks to your friends, empathy to strangers on the street, you are a kind soul Benji.

 We hope you continue to open your heart to the world and share these gifts. Your mom and I are so proud of you today and always, and of the person you continue to show yourself to be. 

Benji and Ella, the blessing we gave you at your baby naming half a world away 13 years ago is the same one we offer you today:

We wish for you to be a person of character; strong but not tough, gentle but not weak.

We wish for you to be righteous, but not self-righteous; honest but not unforgiving.

Wherever you journey, may your steps be firm and may you walk in just paths and not be afraid.

Whenever you speak, may your words be words of wisdom and friendship.

May your hands build and your heart preserve all that is good and beautiful in our world. 

May the stories of our people be upon your heart and the grace of the Torah-rhythm dance in your soul.

May you know that there is a people, a rich heritage to which you belong and from that sacred place you are connected to all who dell on earth.

May you know and feel the love of your family and friends now and always. 

We love you.